hope is just a distraction and it’s better to abandon it. focus on what you’re doing now.

it’s hard and painful to lose someone you care about. people tend to hope for the best for the future. but when does anything you hope for really come true? won’t the feeling be worse if none of anything you ever hope for comes true?

it hurts to hope and it hurts to care.

should we all just abandon hope?

will i ever feel hopeful again?

if someone asks you to wait. 10mins. half and hour. one year. or even three years.

would you?

in life, we tend to do alot of this. waiting. waiting for a friend who’s late. waiting for school to be over. waiting for someone to return. etc. sometimes we have no choice but to spend our time waiting. but for some, when we can make a choice to wait or not, would you?

some will i can say. but some, rather not. people who wait sees hope whereas people who don’t, don’t. afraid that the outcome wouldn’t be of expected. afraid that it’ll be a waste of time.

wouldn’t it be great if everyone have their own ‘book of life’? a book that records everything in your life. your past, present and future. wanna refresh your memories? just read the front pages. wanna know more about your future? just flip to the next chapter. get yourself prepared.

i’ve kinda gotten to this point where i totally don’t care about what’s gonna happen in the future. whatever that’s happening, i tell myself that it’s all meant to be. it’s there. in my ‘book of life’. and believing that the next chapter would be better. different.

i don’t know what i’m doing now. i think i’m waiting for someone. the missing piece in my life. someday it’ll appear. i’m not actually sure what i’m doing. all i know is that in this chapter of my life, i’m waiting.

guess my assignment?

to design a toilet! ahHAhhaha..

school’s quite slack for this month i can say. lessons from 9-12. head home after that. everyone’s either busy, or sleeping. lesson today was ‘alright’ i guess. reached class and received an assignment. to plan the pipes for a house. for 2 hours, i’ve been writing lyrics inversely. when everyone else are all discussing about the planning of the pipes. i was quite amazed by the amount of time and concentration they used to plan the pipe, when i used bout 5 mins to do everything? hMmm.. am i too slack or are they over hardworking?

tomorrow’s gonna be another boring morning. should i even go school?

i needa do something constructive. something. anything. it’s not even the holidays but i’m feeling as though i’m having one. why am i wasting my life like that?!

ooo.. can’t wait for thurs! =)

this month’s gonna be boring..

first, everyone is busy with submission, tests and exams.

second, my lesson now is so damn boring but i have to wake up early in the morning to go for my lesson at 9. most of my friends are in the 3pm class.

submissions and tests. all the other polys. sem break is coming so everyone’ll be busy busy busy. and me? i only have lessons from 9-12. as i’ve said, most of my friends are in the 3-6 class so what am i suppose to do after 12?! not go out for a month?! i’ll dieee.. haHAhahha.. this next sentence is for lene and brandon. CHANGE YOUR CLASS TO THE MORNING TIME SLOT!

today’s the first day of the module. and it’s already causing me to sleep in class. haHAhha.. couldn’t sleep till bout 430 last night. woke up at 730 and headed for school. and guess what my module’s about? Environment Technology. it’s actually about the study of piping! this week’s about the sewage system. wake up at 730 to go school to study about how your shit flow out of your house?! omg!

anyways.. was abit pissed off this morning. not by school, but my someone at home. i made something for someone. i put it nicely in a plastic bag. and i added double protection by placing it in another plastic bag. and guess what? someone took it out from the first plastic bag, and the second, and even looked at it! wahlaoo.. and even misplace one of the items. was quite pissed off laa.. i put in some corner somemore laa. not on the table or smth. why go dig my things up?

listened to jimmy eat world’s 23 while walking home just now. it’s long and it’s emo. perfect for a long, slow walk up my hill.

You don’t need a plane to fly.
Plastic wings will make you cry.
Kites are made for windy days.
Lawn Chairs with balloons fly away.
Inflatable pants: YOU MIGHT AS WELL SKIP!!
If you ever need to fly, all you need.. is friendship.

Caught this episode of Spongebob the other day. Season 3, episode 55.. The Sponge Who Could Fly (Lost Episode).

The thing about Spongebob songs are.. they’re very catchy and interesting. They all rhyme! aHAHhaha.. and also the campfire song song.. i wonder how those people thought of the lyrics for these songs.. ahHAhah.. amazing..

just caught spongebob from 3-4 just now.. watched almost every episode.. except for the ones they haven’t air.. so.. yepp.. you might think i’m childish.. still watching cartoons at this age. but the thing is, why not? watching tv is like a form of relaxation.. and watching cartoons and laugh about the lame things doubles the relaxation.. why do you wanna watch something educational while relaxing?! well.. i don’t.. haHAhahha..

it’s getting late.. the reason why i’m not sleeping now is cos i don’t wanna wake up early tomorrow. hahAha.. cos i’ll have nothing to do if i wake up early.. hahHAhah..

but.. i’m tired.. =(

today’s submission day! at 3! and it’s 12 now! and i’m blogging! ahAHah..

this project has been dragging very long.. i was kinda sick of it already.. plus things that happened these few weeks, i totally lost interest in things that i’m doing. and i know very well myself that i didn’t put much effort in this project. i just wanna get it over. and the day has came.

tonight.. don’t know if i’m going home or not. but i don’t feel like going home.. last night was chatting online with some classmates.. most of them haven’t do their storyboard and i guess they stayed up the whole night to do it? don’t know if they’ll hang out late tonight or head home after dinner. and the gang, they’re all going clubbing! omg! even those who said they don’t and won’t go clubbing. =(

aiyah i’m bored.. dead bored..

oooooooo.. the sun did receive my gift! it’s so freaking cold today! woke up cos of the rain.. had a bad stomach.. and the most surprising thing that happened today was.. i could actually do my work!! =) didn’t do much though.. went out with bro in the evening then janice came  over for dinner and is here till now.. i think if she weren’t here, i won’t even be awake now and won’t be abit to do much.. haHAhhaha.. cos if not i’ll just sleep and hope that i’ll do work tmr.. ahHAhaha..

tmr tmr! later actually.. it’ll be a brand new day! and my day’s planned out! not really though.. do work finish up work and go print work. that’s all.. aAhhaha.. and see who wants to go out for dinner! =)

i’m tired.. feel like sleeping now.. hope tmr’ll be a great day!

i am getting so angsty these few days!! especially in the afternoon. i think it’s the heat. it’s getting on my nerve! argh!

random rants..

- whenever you want smth, you just open you mouth and you get it. why is it so unfair? i have to work hard to get smth but you? you just ask and you got it. all these years you’ve been getting on my nerve. i just can’t stand the way you talk when you have intentions. you always have a motive. and i hate it la. always ordering people around like they have to listen to you. being irritating is what you’re born to do man i think. you talk loud, your voice is irritating and  you know it irritates people but you still wanna talk that loudly. you have no respect for people. the only time you talk nicely, is as i’ve mentioned above, is when you want something! wahlaoooooooo.. can’t stand it. dunno why people choose to stand you.

- my rubber band for hair tying broke. and it is so damn hot. so i used a pencil! hAHHAhaa.. and yay it can hold! that means.. my hair is long! yay!

but i still wanna cut spike.. haHAhaha..

- felt quite emo this afternoon. and it’s been a week since i had lunch. so i decided to eat today. emo till i couldn’t even order my food. don’t think my friends noticed. i was actually trying to keep back my tears. almost couldn’t order. no appetite so didn’t eat much. they say i crazy cos wasted so much food.

- wanted to go out today. thought of going to my emo spot. but took a long ride home instead. cos the sun la.. he turn on his heat to 1000000000% la.. which is crazy! he’s crazy!! omg! i think i wanna buy a fridge for him to cool down!!

okay this post is very random. ahHAha.. i think i should stop now. =)

emo-ting

i’m actually feeling glad that there’s actually someone who thinks for me. but it’s just so pain inside cos it’s just too sudden.

a same sentence from everyone – time heals everything. maybe time will heal everything, but there’ll definitely be a permanent scar.

i’m a simple person. the simplest things like a card, chocs, lollipop etc, would cheer me up. and friends have been really nice and i really appreciate it.

i’m known as the always happy and crazy girl. but if you really know me well enough, you’ll know that the smile i have on my face right now, is a fake.

i can’t control my emotions well. ask me why and i’ll tear. so if you wanna see me cry for whatever reason, make sure you don’t hide your shoulder.

how long will i stay like this?
happy on outside, devastated on the inside.

how long will it take for me to regain my strength?
to stand up again.

how long?

Needing you, wanting you, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do
To tell the truth it just ain’t no use, my mind ain’t strong enough
To forget about you, oh baby, hey, here I am trying to be proud
Trying to fool myself with this unreal smile, telling everyone
That I no longer cling to you, but I know myself that can’t be true, oh
How can I forget a love I’ve known for so long
The heart may not remember, but the mind goes on and on
And the more I think about it the worse off I get
Something keeps telling me you ain’t seen nothing yet
I’m needing you, wanting you, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do
Now that you’re gone, how can I go on, the same love that made me smile
Right now it makes me blue, oh, how can I get you back, I need you here so bad
The neighbors say since you’ve been away, I seem to be so sad
You know they’re right, I can’t stand to be out of your site
You need to be here close to me to lift these lonely nights
I’m needing you, wanting you, oh I just don’t know what I’m gonna do, ooh, no
To tell the truth, it just ain’t no use, my mind ain’t strong enough to forget about you
Baby, baby, I’m sure needing you, yes, I’m wanting you
You know I just can’t stand it, it just ain’t no use, ain’t no use

A song that depicts my feelings now i guess? Polymates said avoid contact. Friends said just be normal. Sis said follow your heart. And that’s what i’m gonna do. Follow my heart.

Conclusion-
Pros: Able to lose weight
Able to know what i really want
Able to see the world in another perspective
Cons: Sleepless nights
Distracted from everything

What’ll happen next? The future.. it freaks me out.